Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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