Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
