I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
