Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
