Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
