just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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