So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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