Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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