i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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