We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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