is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
did i walk over a car last night?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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