If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
