trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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