my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
