Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
