My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
