Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
