I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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