I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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