Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
