I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i need to put some appletini on your dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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