No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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