We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
