Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
