It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
