If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
