Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's never too late to be topless.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
