I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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