she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
