A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
