My liver just broke up with me...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
