Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
