her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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