i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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