There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
