Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
