maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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