OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
