You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
