I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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