Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
