you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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