Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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