My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
