I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize