Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
