You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
