That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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