He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
