the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
