this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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