omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
