I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
