just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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