Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
