He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
