handjob tips. give me some.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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