they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize