We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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