he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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