Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
