What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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