Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
