i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
