I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
