I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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