hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize